All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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