at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this boner is exhausting
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
