If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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