I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do herpes really smell.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize