at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
not ubering you a puppy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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