I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
