Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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