It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
