I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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