Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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