Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
