these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
