Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
