Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
