she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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