So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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