Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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