were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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