i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
