i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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