Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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