She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
