Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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