I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
