she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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