did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
