ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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