We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
