The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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