I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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