This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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