Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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