dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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