I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Text me some of your sweat
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
