You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
