so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize