so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
