Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
