I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
