I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drake has all the answers
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
