Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize