you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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