so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
