he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize