the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
