wrigley field is MILF paradise
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
