I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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