sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
