I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
