It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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