How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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