You're a womanizer and a bitch.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
