Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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