just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
