Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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