Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
