i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
