After last night, I could never be a politician.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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