i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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