The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
