just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When are your genitals available?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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