I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
