They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
