Apparently you make a good broom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
