Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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