He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
