Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
