So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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