make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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